I Feel Like “The Fool”

I know I’ve been one big heaping scoop of lament lately, but things are simply not getting any better in my migraine treatment.  I feel as if I’ve been abandoned by the doctors who are treating me.  The reason is that I don’t respond to any treatment, and they don’t respond to me. Therefore the revolving door keeps going around and around and around.

Sometimes when I’ve been out lately with friends and family, I like having some cocktails, not out of stress or because I feel sorry for myself, but because I just want to enjoy the taste of a drink and have a good time.  The is a big no-no in the migraine world, or really anytime you fill out a form at a doctor’s office.  They want to know how much alcohol you consume daily, weekly, monthly.  For the longest time it was maybe zero, one or two a month for me.  I didn’t drink because it was almost certain that I’d get a migraine.  Now I have a few cocktails at fancy restaurants once a week or have drinks on vacation. 

Just waking up in the morning can trigger a migraine, or sitting at night watching television.  They literally come on out of nowhere more often than not.  So after months and months and years and years, if migraines are going to be there anyway, then what’s the difference if I indulge in some cocktails on a night out?  It gets me out of my head for that little while, and I laugh and have fun.  I won’t drink if I have any migraine brewing and luckily the drink doesn’t trigger an immediate migraine.  Sometimes it won’t come on at all, other times it’s a few hours after the dinner, and more often it’s twelve hours later.  Meaning maybe the alcohol really didn’t trigger the migraine in the first place.

As for doctors and pain management or really the lack of it, I feel so frustrated right now.  The neurologist said we’d been through everything there is to try and that oh well, my migraines weren’t the really unbearable kind, so just keep on trucking and get lots of zen and positive thinking in!  All righty then!  Who says this?  Oh, I guess my neurologist did.  Then he refuted the few things my pain specialist either had me on or was about to try:  the supplement she had me on wasn’t proven at all helpful for chronic migraine and there was no sense trying a newer form of Botox treatment (I think they’re called mylo blocks or something similar).  My point is, why am I seeing two doctors for my migraines when one doesn’t exactly endorse what with the other is prescribing or suggesting, and neither are giving me any help for PAIN?  This is unacceptable.  Yet I have no one to rage too except in this blog. 

I know people who read this are probably tired of my rants against the pain, and the system that’s supposed to be treating me.  I’m sorry.  But until there’s a solution, I don’t have any other choice.  No one is helping me right now.  In fact, last week I emailed my pain rehab specialist asking for something, anything to help with the pain, but I made sure she knew I was not asking for opiods. No answer, but maybe she was on spring break.  So I shot another one off today.  Really though, it’s not anyone’s pain but my own so I can’t really expect anyone to get it.  I’m just so over this.  So I think I can be forgiven for enjoying a couple drinks on a night out just to get off the spinning merry-go-round for a little while. 

Disclaimer:  The treatments or lack thereof that are mentioned in this or any post are not to be taken as advice.  These are my experiences and opinions only.

About andreamarjulie

Just trying to navigate a life circumvented by chronic migraines. Sometimes I write about managing with those, but at other times I am prone to deviate a bit.
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