Always Close By


My twenty-five year old daughter told me she enjoys reading my blog, but most especially when it’s “about us”.  By that Jana meant her younger brother, Tim, as well as herself.  Sometimes I think maybe she wonders why I don’t brag as much as other parents do.  I hope she knows that I love them both very much and I am glowingly proud of the adults they have grown to become.  However, I have just never been the rah rah type of mother who goes on to list every major accomplishment of their child from first poo poo in the potty to high school achievements and onto career choices.

Since both kids have left the “nest”, I don’t think Jana knows how much I miss having them around.  Even I haven’t admitted to myself how much I do lament their leaving.  I haven’t wanted to give husband Jim fuel for laugh fodder.  Long before they left home, he teased that I was going to be a terrible empty nester.  All these past months since Jana and Tim have been gone, I have been playing a serious game of delusion with myself.

The house is way too quiet at times.  I miss looking for them to come home and share their days, even if “the boy” only mumbled “sure” to the question “did you have a good day today?”  Jana more than made up for his lack of communicado.  She always has something to say.

Time went by so quickly after they entered our world.  Parents don’t realize how rapidly time does disappear, despite just such cautions from veteran parents. So when my memory is triggered by something, I look back fondly and wonder how those two little kids went from babies to adults.

About an hour ago, just such a trigger made me smile and tear up.  The song “Love Shack” came on the radio on my drive home from the grocery store.  This song was quite the favorite in 1989.  As soon as it was playing, no matter where they were, four year old Jana and 18 month old Tim would come running into the living room and go into “crazy dances”.  They laughed deliriously and shouted the words “love shack, baby.”  And right now I will brag that it was the cutest darn thing ever.  Those kids were having the time of their lives.  Maybe I don’t have those moments on video or dvd, but they are in my memory bank, easily replayed to savor at random times when I hear that song.  If there was a childhood anthem for my two, “Love Shack” was it.

Bittersweet is the empty nest, when children no longer fill the quiet space, but yet in all my parenting memories, they are always right close by.

About andreamarjulie

Just trying to navigate a life circumvented by chronic migraines. Sometimes I write about managing with those, but at other times I am prone to deviate a bit.
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