No Time For a Friend


In one quick hand written karate chop I was summarily dissed by an old friend.  The Christmas card she sent was comprised of a warm, glowingly golden, winter scene.  It looked lovely and inviting. 

But the sentiment inside, though not ill-intended, definitely struck a chord of dissonance inside my heart.  For years I have tried to reach out to her.  Letter writing became labor intensive for both of us as we were raising our respective families and working full time.  When we finally got a computer and had internet, I was thrilled to be able to drop notes to my sisters and friends.  How great was this! 

Not so with some friends who lived far away.  After a few email exchanges, the fuzzy feeling of connectedness went up in a poof of smoke.  Oh, I still heard from them, but only in the form of near daily forwards (though my friendship with one of my old friends has continued on through cards with notes and occasional letters).  I have never been a big fan of these silly forwards, especially when the messages imply that if the recipient doesn’t reply they will be condemned to ten years of bad luck as well as causing doom for everyone else who did reply.  Lost in the in-flow of these crazy forwards was valuable conversation that could have been taking place with these friends.

The years have zoomed by.  Our children have all grown.  There are no more full work days and then attending sports events.  So I thought we would be able to fill in the blanks and use email for what it was intended.  Again, the last few years have seen some brief messages around Christmas and then nothing again.  My friend’s mother passed away after what must have been a long illness.  I don’t know, the friend never told me.  What friend doesn’t tell another about a mother dying? This friend’s mother was someone I knew quite well, and she helped me quit smoking a long time ago.

My last attempt at reaching a hand across the gap was to mention I was on Twitter and give my Twitter user name in case she was on it too.  The response in her Christmas card was “I have no time for Twitter.  I am very busy and only use email.”  Face slap.  Ouch.  One could read so many things into a statement like that.  I will keep my opinions on that inside.  But the part about email?  We have never had a solid email exchange.  Now I know we never will. 

About andreamarjulie

Just trying to navigate a life circumvented by chronic migraines. Sometimes I write about managing with those, but at other times I am prone to deviate a bit.
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