Ending Yet Beginning

Yes, 2015 draws to a close.  On a personal level, it was filled with travel, fun and Disneyland adventures that will remain etched fondly in my memory.  Disney brings out the happy go lucky in all of us.  It did that for me, and despite others’ beliefs that Disney is just for kids, I’m going to rock that Mouse for years to come.  In fact, I am the proud owner of a Mickey & Minnie Mouse purse. 

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I almost didn’t buy this cute purse, but the day after debating about it for a half hour, I saw there was just one left in Downtown Disney, and that was the end of the debate.  I snatched it up and have been proudly toting it around ever since.    Why not indulge a little?  My former boss, who’s only a year younger than myself and her husband who’s twelve years her senior, both adore Minnie and Mickey Mouse and are avid collectors.  I don’t know why I feel the need to defend myself by using them as an example.  I feel guilty about my new found love for Disney.  Recently, when my sister honed in on my earrings, jacket & purse and asked if I wasn’t going overboard, I think that just made me feel slightly ridiculous.  It burst the happiness bubble even if I shouldn’t care less.  You see, when you’re raised with the Catholic guilt syndrome, well, you’re sort of scarred for life. 

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Anyway, at Disneyland I had my cake, shared it with Jana and indulged in every delicious bite.  (Shown:  the 60th Anniversary cupcake at the Jolly Holiday)

But now comes the hard part.  I must give up my migraine rescue meds starting tomorrow.  This will be my third or fourth foray doing this in some form or another.  It’s the most disheartening thing to face, especially because I’m doubtful that it’s going to help as it didn’t work before.  Yet the most difficult part of this is the pain I know I’ll have to push through. 

My old neurologist is mostly retiring, but he’ll still remain behind the scenes.  When I saw him six weeks ago, I wasn’t prepared for the last order of our time together which was to go off the medications!  Translation:  gone are the ten Zomig (generic) a month, and gone are the fifteen Vicodin he was graciously granting me for the last six months).  Perhaps he wanted things to be looking good for the new neurologist I’m to meet at the end of January.

So I go forward with in trepidation, and I’m disappointed in myself because I’m not standing tall and saying “bring it on”.  I haven’t been facing this with that “choose happiness, zen time, positive thinking” that had taken hold for awhile.  Maybe because life goes on around me like when mini vacations are fun but the zen stuff goes out the window at about the same time I hear things I’d rather not hear.  I haven’t been even close to trying to be my best self as I knew this drug stoppage was looming overhead like a sledgehammer. 

Instead, I’ve reacted with anxiety.  I’ve been acting like a rebellious child by absolutely blowing away everything I worked for “weight wise” in the last year and a half.  Food has been my source of emotional comfort and devil may care attitude.  I don’t want to go off the medications, but I have to, and I’ve been stomping the whole way through these last six weeks.

Now that I’ve confessed and gotten all the bad stuff off my chest, I know I have to attempt to put my best foot forward.  Time to stop overeating.  Time to stop worrying about pending pain.  Time to bring back some positivity and zen, even as rains continue to fall everyday as they have since December 1st.

I don’t like the saying “put your big girl panties on”, but you know what?  That’s exactly what I need to do! 

Disclaimer:  Any medications, treatments or ideas about migraine management are my opinions only and are not to be misconstrued as advice.  Please consult a physician before self-treating any medical condition

About andreamarjulie

Just trying to navigate a life circumvented by chronic migraines. Sometimes I write about managing with those, but at other times I am prone to deviate a bit.
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