Bereft

The dream felt so real.  All I had missed laid out before me.  Children grown and their children grown, and I had no place to fit in.  Who were these people?  One looked like another.  And fingers pointed that it was all my fault.  But what had I done?  I’m just who I am.  I’ll accept you for who you are, no matter what:  gay, straight, uber-religious and God-fearing, bleeding heart, Patriot, idiot, sweetheart.  You are who you are.

Life’s little discourses and disagreements really don’t matter much.  You are important to me.  What went wrong was that really nothing went wrong.  A wedge has come between us all due to misunderstandings, or miles, or the game of charades.  Some of it is that things don’t always add up.  That’s the truth.  People who prefer to subtract are who they are and won’t change.  But know that the void I felt in my dream was so strong as to leave me grieving all day for so much missed.

I reached out a hand, but you only took it tentatively.  I argued for no reason, racked by guilt that I shouldn’t be owning.  And units are frayed, never the same.  I believe it started long ago — people always moving beyond, thinking that there were better horizons in other countries and places or destinies.  Sadly I long for connections that will never be, people I will never truly know.  It really would have been cool you know.

About andreamarjulie

Just trying to navigate a life circumvented by chronic migraines. Sometimes I write about managing with those, but at other times I am prone to deviate a bit.
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