We’re away from home this weekend and at our beach escape on the Oregon coast. Being near the water is a good remedy for releasing stress. Our days have been full of tension lately. As I mentioned in a previous post, a dear friend in our core group has started acting strangely. He continues to be convinced that another member of our group is a no good cheating liar and thief. The rest of us just aren’t seeing it or getting why this friend has become so fixated on the other.
It’s weird getting older and realizing it at the same time. I mean really realizing it. My daughter, Jana, will turn thirty this year. Wasn’t I just turning thirty? So the sixties are coming full steam ahead. As long as I don’t hit an iceberg, I should make it. I’m the “baby” in our core group. I’d like to think of the others as being older and wiser as some are ready to hit seventy soon. But they’re not wiser. How do you define wise if not being the champion of forgive, forget, move past, move on, life’s too short? I can’t.
And it hurts. When you have someone undergoing some sort of change that you don’t understand, you just want everything to stop and go back to what it was before. Instead, a voice inside tells me that this is the beginning of the end of how things were and used to be. This group of ours dines out mostly every Friday night, vacations together, has watched each other’s children/grandchildren grow up. So the dismantling of our bonded blended circle of family and friends is pretty major. To wonder if things will ever be the same leaves a wound in my heart that grows larger with each surge of bad blood between these two men who became brothers over the years.
I shore up by this wavy, consistent ocean. I know whatever unfolds next is out of my control for the most part. As always, when things beyond myself change, I know I need to adjust my world view. It’s just that I’m not ready for this kind of change. Can we wait a few years please? I fear what this change in our friend really means, because I think in my heart I know that it’s much more than friction between two people. This is legit fear of the unknown as we get older and one of our flock is affected in some way we don’t fully know yet. Full speed ahead, icebergs or not.
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