With this latest trial of medicine in the name of Namenda® with pun intended, I’m reduced to tears of anguish and supplication. Last night I decided to have a night cap white wine to reduce the hyper feeling from the medication. What happened? No surprise: migraine. The triptan hasn’t worked, and I’m now going on ten hours of constant pain.
As I try to work on positivity and join the “koombaya my love” club that everyone from doctors to gurus so vigorously endorse, I fight through the tenth migraine day of this thirteenth of November. I sit with palpitating heart – another wonderful side effect of said med. I sit crying, and please know I rarely cry – sadness too is a side effect. And I fight a voracious appetite while simultaneously attending to Weight Watchers Points Plus® standards. I want to lose weight, but a certain doctor has chided that I Must Lose Weight and the same doctor endorsed two different meds that seem to send my appetite into overdrive. Torture much? Yes indeedy!
Why must I continue to live under a chronic crown of pain? Why must I adhere to the theory that what doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger? And why oh why must I continue to be reduced into feeling like a drug seeking low life old woman who just wants an average of one lousy Vicodin® a day to alleviate an iota of the pain? How many hours and months must go by of proving that this drug does not influence the rebound affect of the migraine train in my existence? Why must I feel as if by even writing this post I open myself up to the vulnerability of appearing like a drug whore?
I’m done trying to hide my true feelings. That’s why I’m sounding off. I just want a little pain relief. I’m still trying to embrace the positivity model like an older, obedient-to-the-doctor woman should. I continue to try the off-the-wall medications they throw my way. My pain therapist hinted at new herbs to try next time. “Oh boy, I can hardly wait!” – drips my sarcasm. The multivitamin is huge and tastes like crap. I’m over this! So over this. Just give me a damned Vicodin® please, and stop making me feel like this is the worst thing in the world to be asking for. I’d let the docs try on my migraine brain for a month just so they’d truly know what it’s like. But that’s impossible just as a cure for this disease seems impossible. Migraines are a Disease. That is all. Rant over with, and it’s a wrap.
This blog post reflects my personal opinion and experiences with certain medications. As with anything, individual results may widely vary. Always consult with a physician first before undergoing any treatment.
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