I Know My Truth

It took me a few days to recover from the bad appointment I had last Wednesday.  My despair grew a little worse when I read my chart notes from Dr. Neuro in which he declared (after chronic migraine without aura) that I had “drug-induced headaches”.  Talk about a betrayal.  He didn’t tell me that when I met him for the first time.  And again, I guess my five months and more of enduring chronic migraines without a little edge breaker, Vicodin, counted for naught.

So I did a little sleuthing and found some very comparable experiences to mine on one of those MD critiquing sites.  The patients felt ” punished” if they questioned this doctor or complained about him.  Dr. Neuro blacklisted some by pushing forth the “falsehoods” he created about that patient to whatever new doctor this person enlisted.  If he was upset with a patient, he made her wait, acted coldly and avoided eye contact.

I didn’t write in my previous post that I too was made to wait – over an hour in the examining room!  There were no windows and the light above was a huge circular bright fluorescent.  The room was stuffy even though the door was ajar. Why did I wait so long in that migraine triggering environment in the examining room of a migraine specialist? 

The answer is because I’m part of the species known as women.  I think we wait longer.  We’re taught to be patient and not ruffle feathers even when our feathers are getting ruffled in the process.  We are victimized in ways we’re not aware of until we think about it later and realize we were had.

And so now what do I do?  Do I return to this revered doctor and wonder if he’ll treat me the same or worse?  Do I hope that if I continue to lose weight as he also endorses and suffer on in pain without anything to replace the Vicodin like a good old girl, that he’ll be nice to me?  (I understand being at a heavier weight is not healthy and is said to impact migraines, but I was below goal weight ten years ago and still had chronic migraines!)

Where is this going to get me in the end?  Why indeed do we seek help from doctors for our migraines?  How many more trials of different things must I go through before someone will help me with the hours of pain instead of making me feel like a criminal for asking for a little relief.  Pardon my French here but I’m fifty-fucking-seven-years-old and I’ve had chronic migraine/headache since 1991,  long before I ever took a Vicodin to treat migraines.  Why in the heck should I be treated like a teenaged drug addict? 

So while I don’t know where to turn or what to do, I will hold my head up through this and not dare let this doctor my power away.  My newest new mantra is “I Know My Truth”.  I will hold strong no matter what.

This blog represents my opinions only and are not to be interpreted as advice.  Please seek treatment from a medical professional before trying any medicinal or other therapy.

About andreamarjulie

Just trying to navigate a life circumvented by chronic migraines. Sometimes I write about managing with those, but at other times I am prone to deviate a bit.
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