There’s never any break from it. We know people who are quite vocal in their racist views. They know it bothers us because we’ve mentioned it just about every time we’re together. But just as one of the commentators proclaims “I don’t give a sh/*” about anyone questioning his motives or responses, they don’t give a sh#@ what we think. It seems more important for them to elevate themselves by throwing around racial slurs and denigrating people than worrying about how it affects us or how hateful they sound. So in “a turn about’s fair play” kind of way, “I don’t give a sh#*” if they read this.
It might as well be directed right at me when they use the n word or say “gook” or “fag”. I feel it like a pierce in the heart. We are all human beings. It is so utterly hateful to dismiss someone based on a different color of skin, sexual preference or religious belief. And part of me wonders, who are these racists? What makes them spew this so freely? I don’t understand how someone could be this way, especially relatives.
For too many years, too many vacations have been an exercise in swallowing anger. Because I am already prone to frequent migraines, they bloom rapidly on such stressful grounds of hatred. Vacations can never be fully relaxing. I leave the room whenever there’s news on because of the vitriol. Even a game show this morning produced this response from one of them: “typical n” about a contestant who chose the wrong item. And as my husband recounted from this morning, another one said, “there’s Obama, our n president.” It angers me deeply.
We don’t like being subjected to the hatred. At times like these, my hub says he feels close to being done with big group vacations. Things will cool down again. Yet the hurt lingers in me for a long time. We love some of this being together and do have fun, but the clouds of hatred are too much. There’s no respect for us because they don’t attempt to rein it in on our behalf. In fact, I sense they think it’s funny it upsets us because of the chuckles and smirks I’ve seen when we’ve called them on it.
I feel very sad right now. I knew this would happen. I don’t want to be around it, and with each passing year it becomes more difficult. Yet these are people with whom we are close. I do love them. But I don’t love their blatant bigotry.