Clouds

Although I emerged from my cocoon today, I was disappointed that I didn’t make any meaningful connections.  Sure I exchanged eye contact and a smile with a man getting off the elevator, and I let someone go in front of me on the road.  Those are things I would normally do when I’m out and about.  So it didn’t feel very inspirational.

Tonight I wear my traditional head garb of kitchen-towel- wrapped-ice-gel pack.  It folds over my head and reaches the top of each ear.  This usually affords the best coverage for a temple or frontal lobe migraine.  However, this current monster is attacking both temples, the back of my left eye, the whole head, and my neck. 

I am trying to focus on positive things, yet today some family members were feuding and my husband had to play referee.  Many times in the past, there have been displeasurable fights in his family.  It floors me that there can’t be more rationality when these happen.  There are no fists flying, but enough sparks from yelling, crying, and tantrum-like behavior from people old enough to qualify for senior discounts.

My mantra has always been peace.  I don’t remember big feuds in my family.  So whenever Jim’s siblings erupt in fiery disharmony, I take it onto myself, worrying or feeling anxious.  Tonight was no exception.  Though I wasn’t anywhere near the arguing, I still heard about it, and I felt waylayed by it.

Things are about to change forever, and I don’t think the siblings who were fighting really know what the consequences of their recent actions will be.  They tend to be inflexible in their world views.  I don’t know if they will be able to “roll with the punches”.  And I fear there will be many more loud rows to come.  My naivety in hoping for peace, tranquility and love will be thrown out the window.  We will be involved.  Being an ostrich is not an option.  However, I am going to hold fast in my project to complain less and foster more smiles in the world, even if it can’t be among family.